rescue me

When I was in the second grade my brother Brian rescued me from a bully.  This bully was picking on me because I was bald.  I don't remember all the details of how he picked on me, I mostly remember my brother hitting him.  Brian was only in the fourth grade.  I wasn't picked on a lot, so don't feel sorry for me.  I actually felt pretty protected growing up and I realize that has a lot to do with Brian and my family.  I knew that whatever my insecurities or fears were, I had people who loved me and would fight for me.  

Well, I am no longer in second grade, but I guess my insecurities haven't changed that much.  I have come a long way in coming to a place where I feel comfortable in my bald skin.  I have actually started to accept and appreciate myself.  A year ago I stopped wearing wigs and I wear bandanas all the time these days.  I used to be so aware of how everyone would stare at me.  I used to walk in a room just looking for all the people who were looking at me.  I used to express my insecurities to Josh about all the people staring and he seemed unaffected and he seemed not to notice.  I realize he wasn't being insensitive, it's just that he was so comfortable with me the way I am,  he never thought about it.  I don't really notice people staring anymore.  I realize that it's something that's going to happen.  I look different.  They are trying to figure out if I have cancer, or if I shaved my head.  I realize this and I'm ok with it, most of the time.  But the other night Josh and I went to dinner with some friends.  I was standing at the counter waiting to be seated and then followed our friends to our table.  Josh took a while to get to the table and when he finally came he looked a little strange.  He told me that there were two ladies (buckhead looking) who had been staring at me before we were seated.  He said that they went as far as to point and make it painfully obvious that they were staring.  So Josh, in a rush of anger, went up to their table and informed them that that was his wife and she has alopecia, in case they were wondering.  The ladies seemed confused and a little embarrassed and Josh just made his way to our table.  When I heard this I was shocked.  I didn't even notice them staring, and if I had I probably would have ignored it.  But here was Josh, who I thought never noticed, defending me.  Josh couldn't believe that he did something like that, because he NEVER does things like that.  He never reacts out of emotion.  He probably wishes that I won't write this post.  But the thing is, he loves me.  He does get it.  He understands my insecurity.  All that time that I thought he just didn't understand what it was like to be stared at, he did.  It just affects him differently.  And he came to my rescue.  The beautiful thing is that I realize I don't need rescuing anymore.  But it was a nice reminder that I am loved and accepted and defended for the bald girl that I am.