rescue me

When I was in the second grade my brother Brian rescued me from a bully.  This bully was picking on me because I was bald.  I don't remember all the details of how he picked on me, I mostly remember my brother hitting him.  Brian was only in the fourth grade.  I wasn't picked on a lot, so don't feel sorry for me.  I actually felt pretty protected growing up and I realize that has a lot to do with Brian and my family.  I knew that whatever my insecurities or fears were, I had people who loved me and would fight for me.  

Well, I am no longer in second grade, but I guess my insecurities haven't changed that much.  I have come a long way in coming to a place where I feel comfortable in my bald skin.  I have actually started to accept and appreciate myself.  A year ago I stopped wearing wigs and I wear bandanas all the time these days.  I used to be so aware of how everyone would stare at me.  I used to walk in a room just looking for all the people who were looking at me.  I used to express my insecurities to Josh about all the people staring and he seemed unaffected and he seemed not to notice.  I realize he wasn't being insensitive, it's just that he was so comfortable with me the way I am,  he never thought about it.  I don't really notice people staring anymore.  I realize that it's something that's going to happen.  I look different.  They are trying to figure out if I have cancer, or if I shaved my head.  I realize this and I'm ok with it, most of the time.  But the other night Josh and I went to dinner with some friends.  I was standing at the counter waiting to be seated and then followed our friends to our table.  Josh took a while to get to the table and when he finally came he looked a little strange.  He told me that there were two ladies (buckhead looking) who had been staring at me before we were seated.  He said that they went as far as to point and make it painfully obvious that they were staring.  So Josh, in a rush of anger, went up to their table and informed them that that was his wife and she has alopecia, in case they were wondering.  The ladies seemed confused and a little embarrassed and Josh just made his way to our table.  When I heard this I was shocked.  I didn't even notice them staring, and if I had I probably would have ignored it.  But here was Josh, who I thought never noticed, defending me.  Josh couldn't believe that he did something like that, because he NEVER does things like that.  He never reacts out of emotion.  He probably wishes that I won't write this post.  But the thing is, he loves me.  He does get it.  He understands my insecurity.  All that time that I thought he just didn't understand what it was like to be stared at, he did.  It just affects him differently.  And he came to my rescue.  The beautiful thing is that I realize I don't need rescuing anymore.  But it was a nice reminder that I am loved and accepted and defended for the bald girl that I am.  

I have had a couple people tell me that it's been too long since my last post. But I have to say that I have been really uninspired to write (type) anything. Although I do agree that I should post more often, so here I am, posting.

Nia got really sick this weekend. Her fever spiked to almost 104. Scary. My brother happened to be here when this happened and he commented on how calm I was. I think there are two reasons for the calm despite my fear.
1. I find myself reacting to things in a different way since becoming a mom. I tend to be able to put aside an emotion to solve a problem. A trait I NEVER used to have.
2. Josh. Pure and simple, being to married to Josh has calmed me. The man hardly ever gets ruffled or angry or stressed. He responds to stressful situations with practicality not emotion.

Anyway, as the weekend went on Nia's fever was up and down and she felt awful. We spent 4 days straight not even leaving the house. She was extra cuddly and we just laid on the futon together and watched baby einstein dvds. She was also EXTRA clingy to me. As Josh put it when I was apologizing to him for her behavior, "she's sick and she just wants her mom". And it hit me, I am her mom. I know, really enlightening, but I realized that I am to her what my mom was to me. I was sick very often as a child. I had asthma and my parents frequently had to rush me to the emergency room in the middle of the night because I couldn't breathe. I even spent a week in the hospital because I had pneumonia and was a high risk patient. I remember being scared as a child when I would get that sick, but I can't imagine what my parent's had to go through, watching their child struggling to get her breath. And the thing is, I never knew my mom was scared. All I knew is that somehow she made me feel better. Just being with me. Still, to this day, when I get sick I want my mom. I want to hear her voice reassuring me and feel her touch calming me. And that is what I am to Nia now. It really blows me away. I have enjoyed being the one to make it all better. I just hope I can do it as well as my mom did with me.

So I guess I was inspired to write (type) after all.

run kt run

It's 4:00 and I start looking at my watch. I pick up the phone...ring...ring. Josh answers, "hey squirty what's up?"
"Oh, hey shua, not much", I say. "Just wondering how things were going. Reminding you that today is my running day. When do you think you'll be able to leave?"
"I am not sure, things are crazy. But I won't forget your run."
I have been preparing all day for my run. I have been hydrating and eating appropriately. All with my future run in mind. As 5:00 nears I wait by the phone for Josh's call saying he's on the highway. Today he's running late. Not surprising. Nothing is predictable in his line of work.
It's 6:00 and I finally get the call that he's on the highway. Nia and I go outside to waste the 40 minutes we will have to wait while he is sitting in Atlanta traffic. My shoes are laced up, my playlist is ready to go on my ipod, and Lucy's leash is nearby.
Josh comes careening down the hill and throws the truck into park. He knows how important my runs are. He knows how cranky I am if I don't get to run. He comes in the door, gives me a peck on the cheek and I am gone. I am like a caged bird that has been set free. I head up the hill and before I know it my legs are doing what they do best, running. I feel like I am doing what I was made to do. My legs move to the rhythm of the music blasting through my headphones. I LOVE it. Lucy, my faithful dog is running by my side. It is my time and I am going to kick some ass. I love pushing myself a little farther. I love going up just one more hill. I love running just a couple more miles. I love the pain because I know it makes me stronger. I love the feeling afterwards. I love the pride.
Today, about a mile into my run I passed a couple sitting on a bench. This couple stuck in my mind because the guy had a mowhawk. As I ran past them, I gave them a friendly head nod. I continued to run and run and run. I ran a lot farther than I was planning today and about an hour and 7 miles later, I saw this same couple walking through the park. They heard something coming behind them and I saw the mowhawk guy grinning. As I came up beside them he stuck out his hand for me to give him 5. I proudly gave his hand a slap and continued on my way. I felt so proud and continued to haul it the remaining mile I had left.
I run because I love being strong, I run because I am good at it, and I run because I love it.

10 things...

So I am totally copying Lesley here, but I was inspired and had to do my own lists.

10 things I liked when I was a teenager but kinda hate now...
1. wigs
2. capt'n crunch cereal
3. dr. pepper
4. legalism
5. drama (in life)
6. devotionals
7. christian music
8. christmas presents
9. lip smackers lip gloss
10. talking on the phone

10 things I didn't like when I was a teenager but like now...
1. baldness
2. liquor, beer, wine
3. running
4. tattoos
5. sushi
6. homosexuals
7. computers
8. individuality
9. movies with sad endings
10. coffee

10 things I liked as a teenager and still like...
1. children
2. riding a bike
3. being outside
4. stick shift cars
5. reading
6. sneakers
7. slumber parties
8. fall
9. CANDY
10. inhalers

a proud day

Today, April 27, 2008 is a proud day! Today I offered Nia twizzlers for the first time. Today she ate multiple twizzlers and begged for more. Today I see she has Murphy in her blood. I can't get this child to eat vegetables or rice or bread or fruit or meat or beans or ice cream, but she ate twizzlers willingly and with much enthusiasm. This is truly a proud day!

solo cups at the park

Lucy at the park
Originally uploaded by ktmthompson

One of a few of my favorite things is to take Nia, Charlie, and Lucy to the park in the afternoons. We live a block from freedom park, which is one of the main reasons we bought our house in the first place. Location, location, location.=) Sometimes Josh is able to join us and yesterday was one of those days. When Josh accompanies us to the park there is usually alcohol involved. Bartender Josh made me a margarita and who knows what was in his cup. I know we look so classy trooping up the hill to the park with Nia in the stroller, dogs on leashes, and solo cups in hand trying to make sure not one drop spills. At the park the dogs and child all get to run free while Josh and I drink our bliss in a solo cup. We usually end up chatting it up with fellow neighbors while our dogs run and play. These park goers have known us since before Nia was born and it is really fun to see them and hear them talk about how much she has grown! On days like this I realize anew how much I love living in Atlanta!
Posted by Katie at 6:38 AM

everyone is doing it...

It feels like lately all I hear people talking about are their blogs. I started to feel very sad about neglecting my poor blog for so long. I guess I just felt uninspired. Now since "everyone is doing it", I guess I will.
Right now I want to vent a little... My beautiful little girl is 16 months old now and she is a good sleeper. This is a good thing most every day, but today I am frustrated. She is such a good sleeper that you can set your watch to when she will start to fall apart every day. This time is around 12:30ish before her nap. It makes it very hard to run errands or meet someone for lunch. There is potential for things to be VERY not fun. Another thing that makes this very inconvenient is that if I am driving in the car around 12:30ish there is a very high likelihood of her falling asleep in her car seat. What this means is that she will not go back to sleep when we get home, thus creating more crankiness for all parties involved. =) Today is one of those days. We went up to Marietta to have brunch. We even set the time for eating at 10:30 so that I could be back home before the nap. But I had one little errand to run after eating which put us behind on heading home. I spent the 40 minute trip back to Atlanta from Marietta blaring music, putting the windows up and down, and tickling the poor child. She was helpless against the weight of her eyelids and I failed in keeping her awake. Now we are home and she is playing in her crib, wide awake. Wait, let me go check...
OMG she fell asleep! That never happens, I swear! My venting still applies. Is it sad when a triumph of my whole day is the fact that my child fell asleep? No, it's not sad, because we are all happier people when she sleeps.
I am now wondering if this blog will be all about motherhood. Hmmm, maybe. I have to say, it does feel nice to know that blogger will listen to me and let me vent. So I am glad that everyone is doing it. And by "do it", I mean blogging.